grandad's birthday

I suppose I'd never quite thought highly of my father's family. It didn't seem to be held together by much. Simply meagre attempts by my grandparents to contruct a facade of togetherness abysmal occasional meetings. My uncles and aunties come together mostly in respect of their parents. Today, however, sent me a message entirely different from the disappointed sentiments I bring away from each of such meetings. Assembled by my cousins, was a digital collage of the family past photos. Nothing better than a bunch of old photos to rekindle old fond memories, yes? Boring if I've been through them but entirely something else if they were memories that were not mine by my grandad's. I began to see the world through his eyes. His dad, and him as the only child, born in China. My grandma when she was younger; I could almost see why he married her- she was beautiful. The times they went through in toa payoh and the crowded conditions the family had to endure while they grew up. There was really no room for individual attention.
The order of marriage would probably have affected in a way I would never quite understand. The family dynamic so unclear and their individual personalities so under developed; they never had opportunities or time to develop them. Careers and jobs were imperative, everything else was secondary. Perhaps it was better, because family was always somewhere on top in the list.


They say you never quite plan for the future unless you find your groundings in the identity of your past. Today was defining because in that short collage, I was priviledged to be offered a glimpse into the life of the men before me. I understand now why my dad's who he is. Why he values what he values and what the conditions of the past have influenced his faults and his strengths. He's always been a shady figure, someone i never fully understood or knew. I thank God that now, I'm able to, at least even remotely, understand the man behind the silence.